You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
