You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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