on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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