Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
