You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
