She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
