Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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