im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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