I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
