I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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