You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
