can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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