i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
