do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
