i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
