Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
