I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
