We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just had sex on a roof
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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