I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
