3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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