and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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