Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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