Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
