You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
