Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
