It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
