I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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