Do vagina's smell?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
