he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
