I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
