Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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