I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
