I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
