guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In other news, I just burned my penis
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
