He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
