I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
