You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
