Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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