So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
