I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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