Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize