We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
