apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
