This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
