I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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