This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize