She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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