I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize