Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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