I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
