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I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
