it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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