Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
