Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
