i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
