so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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