I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
