GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
