Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
