shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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