No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
