I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
