I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
