Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
